Saturday, May 26, 2007

C.H.U.D. II - Bud The C.H.U.D. (1988)

Fear: 0/5
Gore: 1/5
Creepiness: 0/5
Entertainment: 1/5
Nightmares: 0/5
Mullet-Jean jackets: 4/5

The fondest memory I have of the original C.H.U.D. is that I used to know a guy whose nickname was "Chud". That's really about it. I remember seeing the movie in high school and thinking it was pretty cool, but I have not seen it since then.

I certainly didn't know there were sequels, but thanks to the wonderful "Grindhouse" series on IFC I was able to catch this little turd of a film.

Having, apparently, nothing to do with the first film, C.H.U.D. II's plot is best summed up by the description that popped up when I pressed the info button on my remote control: "Teens free the corpse of a CHUD called Bud." I could give you more details, but what's the point? In the first CHUD, the zombie monsters looked like this. In CHUD II, they look like this. This really should sum the film up for you, but I'll continue since I actually took notes during this. What's wrong with my life?

P.S., in case you are not aware, a "chud" is a Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller.

Bad movies are good when they attempt to be good, but fail miserably. When a movie intentionally strives to be bad in some sort of ironic and clever way, it's usually just bad. Such is the case with this bloodless combination of Day of the Dead and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. And, I can't explain why, but I kept thinking about Cannonball Run while watching this. Maybe it was due to my spotting actors that would later on do better things (such as the guy that's in the Del Taco commercials - yes, that's a better thing than CHUD II) or actors who had already done much better things (Norman Fell, aka Mr. Roper and Robert Vaughan of the Magnificent Seven) and, of course, Rich Hall who wrote the Sniglets series of books.

Here are some other highlights:

* 80's dance rock / glam rock song with lyrics that go "Bud the Chuuuuuuud, Bud the Chuuuuuuuuuuud"
* Military guys who arrive at a woman's home and announce "We're from the government"
* Several impressive mullet / jean jacket combos
* The main zombie having a crush on the main actress, cornering her at the top of a high school high dive platform and saying "Hi"
* Zombies being knocked unconscious by hay bales. Yes, unconscious, because they're not the living dead or anything
* Not a single scare, good special effect or disembowelment that MUST be in any zombie movie

CHUD II is not a horror film, it's a teen comedy that is rated R, but I can't figure out why. Perhaps because the word "fuck" is used once? Dunno. Don' care. As the credits rolled by at the end I noticed that someone had been in charge of "business affairs" and there were Apprentice Editors. I felt bad for those people. Then there was a special thanks to Millers Outpost and I felt even worse.

- Complaint Dept.

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