Monday, April 30, 2007

Friday the 13th Part VIII (1989)

FEAR - 0
GORE - 0

I need to preface this by saying that I do have a fever and I stayed home from work today. This is the only reason I would ever attempt to watch this movie. I'm sure everyone knows how bad this movie is, but here goes...

So, the movie starts out with Jason being resurrected by bright blue electric charges brought on by an anchor dragging along the bottom of Crystal Lake, which confusingly enough looked an awful lot like Vancouver (I later found out it was). After spreading some really fake blood around a boat with a couple of naked teenagers (and actually missing a shot at the girl with a harpoon when he's about 5 feet away from her...this is THE Jason, right?), he hops on a cruise ship of graduating Seniors going to Manhattan. The guy working on board as the creepy ship-mate proclaims, "This voyage is doomed. DOOMED". Hmmm. Thank God there was a cool 80's dance scene to enjoy shortly thereafter.

So, the movie had some awesome silk shirts, bad perms, high-waisted jeans, a "Metal" music video (the girl making the video was killed by her own guitar coincidentally) and even a steaming rock shoved through a guy's stomach who only bled from the heart. After the prom queen and Asian valedictorian snorted coke, I was out. That's all I got through and I never plan on finishing it. Sorry. Buzzkill of a review.
I'd also like to point out that I not only took a shower after this movie when I was home alone in the house but I also have all the lights turned out. I did check under the bed, but only because I always do when I'm home alone. You never know who or what is under there...
Posted by: Hex


the fucking beard said...

i saw this in the theater when it came out. had you continued to watch you would have also witnessed jason fighting with skinheads. and some sweeet nyc sewer scenes.

i'm confused with your slew of zeros, because from what you wrote, it sounds like a pretty sweet movie. i can still see those underwater lightning effects if i close my eyes and let my mind wander.

Cortez the Killer said...

Definitely, not the worst of the series. Have you seen Jason X? Seriously, Jason in space? Fucking ridiculous.

the fucking beard said...

jason x is probably my favorite of the franchise.

evil gets an upgrade?

oh hell yes